Last Updated on May 19, 2026 by Bruno Bianchi
Expat guilt living abroad sits at the heart of nearly every long-running expat conversation. The pull between a life you have built in Spain and the family you have left behind in your home country is one of the hardest emotional balances to strike. A recent Spainguru community discussion captured the question with painful honesty.
This guide pulls together what dozens of community members shared. It covers the practical patterns. It also covers the harder emotional terrain. The goal is not to tell anyone what to choose. The goal is to surface the trade-offs others have lived through.
Planning your move to Spain?
Get the free step-by-step roadmap used by 10,000+ expats — covering visas, budget, housing, and the mistakes to avoid.
Start the Moving to Spain Hub →The Original Question About Expat Guilt Living Abroad
“Moving back home — question. I’ve been abroad for about six years now. I’ve lived in Spain five of those years. At first when I moved I knew it was the right move.”
“Since moving it’s been a hard journey, lost a job, got another but not in the field I want to work in. Went through a toxic relationship and healed and also healed my trauma and relationship with my family. Now I’m 31 and I’m questioning if I can really build a life (with a new partner I’m happy with) away from my family. I worry about all the things that can go wrong — including missing out on the small moments with my family back home.”
“How do you deal with the guilt of watching your family get older without being there? How do you know it’s right to stay?”
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: Answers from the Community
The thread drew dozens of responses. Several themes recur in the answers below.
Not sure which city is right for you?
Compare cost of living, weather, expat community size, and lifestyle across 13 Spanish cities in our free guide.
Explore Cities →“Sometimes it is right to stay and sometimes it is right to go. Listen to your heart and do not doubt yourself. Clearly define your life goals and objectives, list on paper all the reasons to stay and go and see which ones align more with your life objectives. It is not about being right or wrong but about alignment.”
“My mom emigrated to America, leaving her parents behind. At some point, when they were older, she moved back to take care of them; it was a different time then. I moved to Spain eight years ago. After COVID, I felt much like you probably do. My job didn’t feel right, I was homesick, and so I went back. However, I ended up returning here just two years later because home didn’t feel like home anymore. Places change a lot in five years. At least I tried it to see if it would work for us. Now, I try to spend time with my mum a couple of times a year and call her on a daily basis. She is happy there, and I am happy here.”
“In today’s world you can zoom and facetime family and friends anywhere and spend hours if you want talking and hanging out as you clean or relax or whatever. You can share all kinds of special moments with little videos you send each other and pictures and messages. A century ago you moved abroad and may never see or hear from family again back home.”
“What nourishes each person is different. Consider the lifestyle, culture, career opportunities, and people that nourish you. There is no perfect, just an honest assessment of what you’re trading. What are you welcoming or saying goodbye to if you leave or stay? Only questions you can answer.”
“Stay in Spain. I moved back Stateside in 2024 and regret it every day. Your family can come visit you, and that time will be valuable and probably more fun than this daily grind. There’s probably a reason you left, and honestly, things have not changed nor improved over here.”
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: The “Test Visit” Strategy
One of the most consistent pieces of advice in the thread was to take an extended test visit before deciding. A short holiday rarely answers the question. A month or longer back in the home country often does.
“Head back for a month to feel it out before moving back so you will know if it feels right or not. Sometimes when you get back for a longer period of time you realize you are in the right place.”
“You might consider going home for 3 months. Do a test run and see how it feels. Then do another if you can. I wouldn’t make a quick decision. I’d give it a year to travel back and forth and see how the idea settles in.”
The pattern that emerges from people who tried it: extended visits often clarify rather than complicate the decision. Some return convinced they should go back permanently. Others return convinced their life abroad is the right one.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: When Going Back Did Not Work
Several community members described moving back to the United States and immediately regretting it. The common reason: the home country had changed in their absence, and they had changed too.
“I moved back Stateside in 2024 and regret it every day. Your family can come visit you, and that time will be valuable and probably more fun than this daily grind.”
“Such a huge mistake. I feel trapped and frustrated. I thought I was doing a good job of appreciating what I had when we lived in Spain because I always try to be a grateful person, but being back has highlighted the benefits of being there times a thousand.”
“I lived in Valencia a few years ago and had to go back to the United States and lived in Pittsburgh for six years and decided I had to come back to Spain. I’m so happy to be back in a country that has a slower pace of life and the cost of living that accommodates my income. I’m able to fulfill my dream of getting my doctorate and for the first time I can breathe.”
The thread also includes voices on the opposite side. Some members moved back to be closer to aging parents and consider it the right call. Others described losing parents while abroad and not having the chance to say goodbye. Both sides are real.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: How Technology Bridges the Gap
Multiple members pointed out that the experience of expat life today differs sharply from earlier generations. A century ago, moving abroad often meant losing contact with family for months or years. Today, daily video calls cost nothing.
“In today’s world you can zoom and facetime family and friends anywhere and spend hours if you want talking and hanging out as you clean or relax or whatever. You can share all kinds of special moments with little videos you send each other and pictures and messages.”
“Now, I try to spend time with my mum a couple of times a year and call her on a daily basis. She is happy there, and I am happy here.”
The advice from members who have made it work long-term: build a daily or near-daily call routine, plan two structured visits per year, and use shared photo or video apps to maintain a sense of presence in each other’s everyday life.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: When Quality of Life Tilts the Decision
For members who relocated to Spain from the United States, quality-of-life trade-offs played a significant role in either staying abroad or returning. Cost of living, healthcare access, walkability, work-life balance, and pace of life all came up repeatedly.
“I’m disabled and life is just so hard in the US as a disabled person. It’s literally impossible to live on an SSDI income and work a job that accommodates my multiple disabilities, and be able to live a life with dignity. I’m so happy to be back in a country that has a slower pace of life and the cost of living that accommodates my SSDI income plus working a part-time job.”
“The quality of life in Spain was better. Nowhere is perfect, don’t get me wrong. I loved living in the small pueblos outside of Madrid and Valencia. I had more of a natural social life, enjoyed the fiestas, food, and cost of life in general.”
For a broader factual comparison of cost-of-living differences, the Spainguru cost of living guide covers the numbers in detail. For an overview of how Spanish healthcare differs from the US system, the Spainguru healthcare guide walks through the public-private model.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: When Parents Can Visit or Move
One angle that often gets overlooked: aging parents do not always need their adult child to relocate to be cared for. In some cases, it makes more sense for the parents to visit longer or to relocate themselves.
“I bet most of your family would love to visit you and see how you’re living also. Just put out the invite. That may help you see them more often, without having to move back.”
“My twin daughters went to university in London. It’s now 15 years later. We speak all the time even if it’s a quick text. They are now getting their Spanish passport along with my husband so we can get a place close to London with nice weather.”
“If you decide to stay in Spain, you can always travel. And if things go sideways with your parents in some way (health, finances, etc), they could always move to Spain where their care would be much less expensive anyway. Your residency in Spain might be exactly what they need someday.”
For families exploring this path, the Move to Spain Planning Hub covers visa pathways for retiree parents, including the Non-Lucrative Visa.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: Decision Frameworks That Help
Several community members shared structured ways to approach the question. The recurring advice: do not make the decision under acute emotional pressure, and do not make it based on guilt alone.
“Get a piece of paper, write everything down — your priorities, your goals, and your concerns. Discover where you are aligned and where you are distraught. And then look at each worry and concern and next to it write if it’s fixable or not fixable. The fixable ones get an action plan. The unfixable ones get crumpled up and thrown in the trash.”
“I saw a post on social media recommending spending 30 minutes journaling about a decision you are trying to make for 30 days. At the end of a month you will have journaled about 15 hours on it. Nobody but you can answer this question.”
“Making decisions based on guilt is the worst thing you can do to yourself and your loved ones. If you desire most to be with them at this particular moment of your life, just do it. If you are doing it out of sense of duty and guilt, it won’t be good for you or them.”
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: When Therapy Is the Right Call
Several members noted that the emotional weight of expat guilt living abroad often intersects with unprocessed trauma. The right tool for that is therapy, not a Facebook thread.
“Trauma can cause dissociation. Dissociation makes it difficult to get connected with your emotions and gut. Becoming connected to your emotions, intuition, gut, and using them in harmony is a process that happens as one heals from trauma. Don’t make huge life changes while you are healing.”
“Work on your healing if that still needs work so you will be connected with what is best for you. If you feel rushed to decide, try to slow it down to know for sure. You will know, it will become clear. Don’t live in fear.”
The Spainguru community also includes English-speaking therapists working with expats specifically. Working with a therapist who understands the expat experience often helps faster than working with one who does not.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: Conclusion
There is no universal answer to expat guilt living abroad. The thread captured every shade of the question. Some members stayed and built lives they cherish. Others moved back and felt at home. Others moved back, regretted it, and returned to Spain a second time.
The patterns that recur across responses: do not decide under guilt alone, take an extended test visit if you can, build a daily or near-daily contact routine with family, and explore whether parents can visit longer or relocate to you. Most importantly, accept that any choice will involve trade-offs.
If your gut says you need to be closer to family right now, that is a valid signal. If your gut says you need to stay where you have built your life, that is also valid. The thread surfaced no formula — only the honest experiences of others who walked the same path.
Start planning your next steps with Spainguru’s Move to Spain Planning Hub, and explore Spainguru’s vetted service providers for visa, legal, tax, and relocation help.
Join the Spainguru Community Hub to connect with other expats walking the same path.
This article is based on personal opinions from the Spainguru community and is not legal advice.
Expat Guilt Living Abroad: FAQ
How do you deal with expat guilt living abroad while your parents age?
Most long-term expats describe a multi-pronged approach. They build a daily or near-daily call routine, plan structured visits at least twice a year, and use shared photo and video apps to stay present in each other’s everyday life. The guilt rarely disappears completely. It usually softens with intentional connection.
Should I move back home because of expat guilt living abroad?
Most members urged the original poster not to make the decision based on guilt alone. The recurring advice was to take a one-to-three-month test visit before deciding, and to weigh quality-of-life trade-offs alongside family proximity.
Is the guilt of living abroad normal?
Yes. Almost every long-term expat in the thread described feeling it at some point. The intensity often shifts with life events — a parent’s health change, a milestone missed, a wedding or birth, or a global crisis like the pandemic. Recognizing the feeling without immediately acting on it is the consistent advice.
How often should I visit family when living abroad?
Members reported a wide range. Some visit once a year and call daily. Others visit two to three times a year and rely less on daily contact. The right cadence depends on budget, time off, and the family’s own ability to travel. The common thread is making the visits intentional and putting them on the calendar in advance.
Can my parents move to Spain to be closer to me?
Yes, in many cases. The Non-Lucrative Visa is a common path for retiree parents who can demonstrate sufficient passive income or savings. The Move to Spain Planning Hub covers visa options for parents and other family members.
What if I move back home and regret it?
Several members did exactly that and returned to Spain a second time. Spanish residency, once obtained, can be reactivated under specific conditions. The decision to move back is not always permanent, even if it feels that way at the time.
Does therapy help with expat guilt living abroad?
Many members said yes, particularly therapy with a counselor who understands the expat experience. Working through the underlying emotional drivers of the guilt — grief, fear of missing out, unresolved family dynamics — usually helps more than a logical pros-and-cons exercise.
How do I know it’s right to stay abroad?
The thread surfaced no single answer. The clearest signals from members who stayed: their daily life feels healthier, their quality of life is better, they have built community, and their family supports the choice even from a distance. The signals from those who moved back: persistent homesickness that does not soften over years, a clear pull toward a specific role at home (caring for a parent, raising kids near grandparents), and a partner who shares the decision.
Get your free step-by-step Spain move plan
10 emails over 2 weeks covering visas, budget, housing & the mistakes to avoid.
Join 10,000+ expats who used this roadmap.
100% free · No credit card · Unsubscribe anytime
